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Monday, April 2, 2012

Songs

I've always believed that every thought or feeling I've ever had could be explained with either a a country music song or a quote from Dawson's Creek.  I remember watching Dawson's Creek and the moment it was over I would call one of my friends and discuss every detail and explain how it related to my life....yup, I know I was weird.  Sometimes (though I know it makes me sound crazy) when I'm in the car and thinking (about everything) a particular song comes on the radio and I think that its God's way of talking to me.  For example, last summer after our second IUI failed, I was driving to work and I was really sad.  I kept asking God why it happened and telling him that I would make a great mom if He would just bless us with one child.  I was in the middle of a silent prayer when 'In God's Time' by Randy Houser came on the radio.

In God's time
A million years might only be a single day
And everything He does gets done His own way
In God's time........

And in God's time
You'll finally get the chance to hold your baby girl
And all the sudden everything'll make sense in this crazy world
In God's time

Oh, but no one knows
Not you or me
It might be tomorrow or it might never be
Oh, but don't lose faith
Put it in His hands
'Cause it might be that He might have a bigger plan
Than you had in mind
Miracles happen
In God's time...


I cried the rest of the way to work that day but I held on to that song.  And it was that song that gave me the strength I needed that day and that moment that made me sure we would have a girl when we finally did get pregnant.  


I bring this up because yesterday I was listening to songs from Man of Lamancha and I heard "The Impossible Dream."  Though the story has nothing to do with infertility or pregnancy loss I feel like this song could be a motto for both....






To dream ... the impossible dream ...
To fight ... the unbeatable foe ...
To bear ... with unbearable sorrow ...
To run ... where the brave dare not go ...
To right ... the unrightable wrong ...
To love ... pure and chaste from afar ...
To try ... when your arms are too weary ...
To reach ... the unreachable star ...

This is my quest, to follow that star ...
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far ...
To fight for the right, without question or pause ...
To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause ...

And I know if I'll only be true, to this glorious quest,
That my heart will lie will lie peaceful and calm,
when I'm laid to my rest ...
And the world will be better for this:
That one man, scorned and covered with scars,
Still strove, with his last ounce of courage,
To reach ... the unreachable star ...



Later in the day I was putting away our laundry.  I was feeling really sad and really missing Bristol so I figured Id play some music that I could sing to (that wasn't country cuz that a lot of time makes me sad) so I played the soundtrack from Wicked.  I must admit I haven't listened to the entire soundtrack much but I love the songs 'Popular' and 'What is this Feeling'.  Then I head a song called 'For Good."  This song stopped me in my tracks.  It made me think of our loss...of Bristol and our few moments with her, of our wonderful nurse the first night we were there, and of everything else that we experienced that weekend.  Again, I felt like this could be our motto for the weekend....






I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

Because I knew you

I have been changed for good


I think those words are perfect for our journey....I have been changed for good. 

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