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Monday, September 30, 2013

Starting Over

**We havent told anyone this and I dont know if or when we will (so clearly posting it online is a wonderful idea...lol) but Im feeling like talking about this...**

I come from a big family....I have 4 siblings.  DH comes from a complicated family but he has 3 half siblings.  Ive always dreamed of having 2 kids...but now I think three might be the magical number for us.  So two weeks ago DH and I started ttc again.  Or at least we stopped preventing......

When we lost Bristol I struggled wondering why God would create her only to know suffering and pain.  And I found comfort knowing that she was created in His image and that we are all perfect in His eyes.  God doesnt make mistakes.  So I am taking that approach to ttc again.  If He chooses it will happen.  If not, thats ok too.  Im terrified of loosing another baby.....but if I do I will hold on even tighter to our miracle lil one.

I was asked the other day if I would go back to our reproductive doctor if ttc doesnt work for us.  In short, Im not sure.  I am going to call them this week and schedule a time at the end of this cycle to go in for blood work and an ultrasound to make sure everything is all set to start ttc.  Should we get a positive test I will also probably seek their assistance in monitoring my progestrone levels for the first 8 weeks (they were low last time and I needed medication to help) and also for the heparin for the first 12 weeks.  But Im not sure if I will go back for treatment...it was so hard on my body and I dont know if I can do that again.  Plus, it posses another problem....who would watch the little one while we were at the doctor???  Because I know from personal experience that its not easy to see babies at an infertility clinic....its really hard and I do not want to put other patients in that place.  

Anyway....thats where Im standing now......