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Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Starting Over

As I sit here its officially 36 hours until my Due Date.  Its also been 96 days since Bristol Grace was born sleeping.  I can honestly say that not a minute goes by that I don't think of her.  I miss her so much.  I still cannot believe that she is gone.  I still don't know what to wish for every night when I wish on a star.  Most of the time I wish that she is happy, that she feels no pain in Heaven and that God tells her all about us.  I remember thinking on September 22nd that I couldn't wait until May 31st now I kinda wish we could just skip it.

My husband and I are going to be doing a lantern release that day.  Im gonna write on one a message for my baby.  Our parents are also coming over on Friday and we will be having dinner and planting a tree in Bristol's memory.  I have also made 4 gift packages that I am donating to our local hospital in Bristol's memory.  I know how hard leaving the hospital with empty arms can be, hopefully this can ease the pain ever so slightly...

Well, I am getting ready to start over again...tomorrow shortly before 9am I will walk through the doors of our RE's office for the first time since October 19th.  The last time I left they gave me a small gift bag with pregnancy info and a pregnancy journal....now I will be walking back in just under 8 months later without my beautiful baby. I have a saline sonogram scheduled for 9am and then a meeting with the doctor to discuss everything that has happened and what our next step will be.  This is the appointment that the dr will give us the all clear to start ttc again.  I am hoping to do an IUI with injectables next month....

It just seems like Ive come full circle...getting ready to start ttc again and all.  I don't know if Im emotionally ready, but then again I don't know if I will ever be.

I just know that Bristol will be with us and see us through this trying time......

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