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Saturday, March 24, 2012

Our New Life

The first week home from the hospital was the worst week of my entire life!!!  My lady bits hurt, my hormones were all over the place, I still looked pregnant, and the worst part of all was that I had phantom movements....false feelings that Bristol was still moving inside of me.  I didn't want to get out of bed....and I don't think I did for that long.  I just wanted to cry...and cry I did.

Brian had a friend over that Sunday.  They played video games and then decided they were going to install an 8 camera security camera system in our house (which is his way of coping...improving our house).  They worked on the camera system for a while but it ended up being too time consuming with the craziness of our house.  Next time we will be buying a wireless system.  :)

We watched the first Lord of the Rings movie that night.  To be honest, I really didn't want to watch it but Brian wanted to so I did it.  I remember watching it but not really "watching" it.  I mean I was there physically and my eyes were staring at the screen and every so often Id have a question to ask about what was happening...but I really wasn't watching it.  I just remember staring at the screen and wishing I could just crawl back into bed and cry some more.  Before I knew it, the movie was over.

We didn't do much Monday or Tuesday.  We slept a lot and ate a bunch of the junk food that we bought on Saturday.  I felt like a zombie just going through the motions.  On Tuesday night we were invited over to a friends house for dinner.  I went upstairs to get dressed before we left and I put on a sweatshirt and a pair of jeans...just putting on the jeans made me cry cuz I had still wear maternity jeans.  When I came down stairs my husband and I had a disagreement regarding my clothes.  He would normally never say anything but he wanted me to dress up a bit more.  It sucked cuz the only things that I could fit in, besides the sweatshirts were maternity clothes.  That was really hard....I don't think I've ever cried while getting dressed before!!!

They took their 3 year old son over to a babysitters house cuz they knew it would be hard for us to be around small children.  I was very thankful for that...I've found it really hard to be around pregnant women, babies and small children since we were going through our infertility journey and few people have taken our thoughts into consideration.  Dinner was really nice and it felt good to be around caring friends.  I cried a few times but I laughed a few times too.  By the time we left, I was feeling a little bit better...a little bit more normal.

Brian had to go back to work on Wednesday, so I was gonna be on my own the next day.......

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