I know I skipped over Day 2 but it was really more of the same as Day 1...
By Day 3 I knew something was really wrong with me. I couldn't stop crying, I didn't want to do anything but stay in bed all day, I couldn't eat, I didn't want anything to do with my kids, I was having panic attacks all the time, and I couldn't stop having these feelings that I knew I shouldn't have. I knew I had to do something so I called my OB to get in to see her about Postpartum Depression. I had read the previous day that it can really kick in around the three month mark and that exactly where I was. I got in the next day at her office. She put me on Celexa and Xanax and really listened to me. She told me I should probably start seeing a therapist and a psychologist who would monitor my meds.
I got home from that appointment and took a Xanax and waited for it to kick in while I called my therapist. I made an appointment for the following week. Now I just had to make it that long.
In the mean time these feelings were eating me up inside. I missed my old job like crazy, I hated being around my kids, I felt zero bond with the newest member even though he was a sweet three month old.
Im going to digress for a moment to say, with my first son, I suffered some PPD but NOTHING like this. I think I had a few crazy arguments with DH in which I was a total lunatic and now I can't even remember what I was so mad about (Im sorry about that by the way my love). But this; this was totally different.
With my first son I ordered these custom made monthly milestone onesies and treasured each day I put them on him and took pics. Since the second baby was also a boy and born the same month it worked out perfectly that the onesies would work for him too. A bonus because they were like $175 for the lot of them. With our second son, I had taken pics with the two month one but I was in such a state of depression that for months 3 and 4 I don't have any photos of him wearing these onesies.