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Thursday, March 17, 2016

Day 3

I know I skipped over Day 2 but it was really more of the same as Day 1...

By Day 3 I knew something was really wrong with me.  I couldn't stop crying, I didn't want to do anything but stay in bed all day, I couldn't eat, I didn't want anything to do with my kids, I was having panic attacks all the time, and I couldn't stop having these feelings that I knew I shouldn't have.  I knew I had to do something so I called my OB to get in to see her about Postpartum Depression.  I had read the previous day that it can really kick in around the three month mark and that exactly where I was.  I got in the next day at her office.  She put me on Celexa and Xanax and really listened to me.  She told me I should probably start seeing a therapist and a psychologist who would monitor my meds.

I got home from that appointment and took a Xanax and waited for it to kick in while I called my therapist.  I made an appointment for the following week.  Now I just had to make it that long.

In the mean time these feelings were eating me up inside.  I missed my old job like crazy, I hated being around my kids, I felt zero bond with the newest member even though he was a sweet three month old.

Im going to digress for a moment to say, with my first son, I suffered some PPD but NOTHING like this.  I think I had a few crazy arguments with DH in which I was a total lunatic and now I can't even remember what I was so mad about (Im sorry about that by the way my love).  But this; this was totally different.

With my first son I ordered these custom made monthly milestone onesies and treasured each day I put them on him and took pics.  Since the second baby was also a boy and born the same month it worked out perfectly that the onesies would work for him too.  A bonus because they were like $175 for the lot of them.  With our second son, I had taken pics with the two month one but I was in such a state of depression that for months 3 and 4 I don't have any photos of him wearing these onesies.

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