A little bit about me.....the PPD side

So I want to explain a few things that will help you understand me and the different things I'm talking about.

First off, my disabled sister lives with my husband, two boys (age 1 and 3), two dogs, and one cat.  She is 24 years old and has Cerebral Palsy as well as severe mental retardation.  She is 24 but functions like a 6 month old.  She requires 24/7 care as far as transferring, feeding, diapering, and she is wheelchair bound.  She cannot talk either.  Currently she goes to school Monday-Friday from 8:30am to 3:15pm.  During the summer it is less but she also goes to a sleep away camp for one week.  It is the only week all year that we as a family are free to do as we choose, at all other times someone must be here with her or we have to take her with us.  She has a caregiver that comes for 8 hours each Saturday and Sunday but right now our current caregiver is out after having foot surgery.  Growing up I had always said that I wanted her to live with us, but I can say now that I don't think I understood the full ramification of what I was saying.  Having her live with us allows me to stay at home with my boys but its a full time job that requires a lot of patients, some of which I don't always have.

I had PPD with our first son.  I was irrational and moody.  I think it got better when I went back to work around 8 weeks but I cannot say for sure.  I remember a terrible fight DH (dear husband) and I got into shortly after D was born about him buying a motorcycle.  I don't really remember the fight but I remember screaming and being so mad I was ready to divorce him (that seems patently absurd to me now).

I tried to breastfeed both times with little success...its really hard and they don't tell you that.  That made me feel like I was failing both times.  I mean they make it seem so easy in the classes and on TV but its really not that easy, at least it wasn't for me.  It wasn't until a phone call from a friend the first time around (about 3 weeks PP) who told me that it was ok if I couldn't do it.  That she made it 6 weeks and when she decided to stop it made her and her baby a lot happier (happy mommy happy baby).

I was terrified about PPD with my second son, but I had no clue what I was about to be in for.......