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Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Time Marches On

I've always been a big country music fan, though Ill admit I haven't listened to it much since Bristol died, but Im reminded of a song by Tracy Lawrence called Time Marches On....."The South moves North the North moves South a star is born a star burns out
The only thing that stays the same is everything changes everything changes."

I was reading a post on FB the other day and someone had said that it had only been 3 weeks since their miscarriage but the pain (emotional) felt just as strong as it did the first day.  They asked for advice on when it would stop hurting as much.  Though I don't think there is a time frame like as to the pain and grief that happens from a loss her question made me think for a moment, how many weeks had it been since I lost Bristol???  I sat there and thought about that long and hard and then it occurred to me that I didn't actually know how many weeks it had been.  Then I started to think....after a loss you first measure it by days, then by weeks, eventually by months and then years.  I don't believe I can't tell you exactly how many weeks its been since we lost our daughter.  But I can tell you that this Sunday June 24th it will be 4 months since we lost her.  Ironically it will also be the day after our 6 year wedding anniversary.  

I can't really explain it, and there is definitely not a time table for grief, but eventually life does become normal again.  Granted, its not the same normal as you remember it to be, but its "normal" just the same.  I go to work every day (and most days I actually make it through the day without hiding in the bathroom and crying), I cook dinner (which I still don't like, I still have to clean the house (though its never really dirty anyway, DH and I are kinda anal about that), and I still watch the same TV shows (though they did cancel House which Im kinda upset about).  The day is littered (in a good way) with thoughts of Bristol.  I still don't think a minute goes by that I don't think of her...I miss her so much!!!  I would give anything to have her with us again....

Baby I love you!!!!

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