So I'd really like to write more than I do, I frequently find myself writing in my head but I have been really busy the last few weeks and so my time to write has been less than normal...
So we had IUI #3 last week....and now we are in the dreaded TWW period. On the 22nd we will know how this one went (though I am kinda hoping that, if this one did not work that AF just shows up instead of me having to get the call from the office....I hate those calls). I just dont know how to feel right now. No matter how hard I try to prepare for bad news, part of me is always hopeful that this month will be different...and then when AF shows up again the grief starts all over again.
I frequently find myself wondering if it will ever get easier....will it ever not sting so much to be around pregnant people??? Will I ever be able to carry on a conversation with my friends who have babies or are pregnant without being jealous of them??? And it's not like they really complain about it (I am blessed that so many of my friends are very aware and sympathetic to my feelings), just sometimes when the are tired or talking about the cost and such....I cannot help but think that I would literally give my left arm to have what she has.....
I have always loved country music and (yup, I know this sounds wierd) but I am fairly certian that every emotion that I have ever had is best described in a country song. Randy Houser's song In God's Time is the perfect song for me...kinda like an IF anthem, if you will.....
Oh, but no one knows
Not you or me
It might be tomorrow or it might never be
Oh, but don't lose faith
Put it in His hands
'Cause it might be that He might have a bigger plan
Than you had in mind
In God's time
And in God's time
You'll finally get the chance to hold your baby girl
And all the sudden everything'll make sense in this crazy world
In God's time
Yup...I cried the entire way to work after I first heard that one. :) I just wish there is a way I could know how this will all work out......