So when DH and I started TTC again I told myself that this was just going to be fun. If it happened it happened and if not then thats ok too. I wasn't going to make myself crazy charting my BBT every morning. We were just gonna do the deed and see what happened. Then, as the time for AF came close it occurred to me that I didn't even really know when she was supposed to show up. So I bought an app to track her.....I think that was the beginning of the end. Im now tracking my CM and days we do the deed too (sorry for the TMI). Its scheduled sex again too....every other day during my peak times. Yippie...."Oh sweets, I'm ovulating now so we need to get at it." I can think of more exciting things to say to my spouse. When I was 2 days late we tested.....I don't know what I was expecting. But I must say I was a bit disappointed when the test was negative.
I think the effect IF has had on me as a person is here to stay. I mean, it doesn't define me....but it has changed me. I was talking to one of the ladies that I work with who was pregnant with her daughter the same time I was pregnant with Bristol and she mentioned that she wants another kid. All of a sudden the green eyed monster in me came out (though I didn't let on). And today she brought her daughter into work and I had a pause for a moment....her daughter is 19 months old. Bristol was due 2 weeks before she was. That should be Bristol. But then it brings me to this thought which I cannot seem to wrap my head around....if she was here then our D wouldn't be. She isn't gone forever though....she watches over us from up above and one day I will meet her again. Until then, she is our guardian angel.