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Thursday, November 29, 2012

Is this your first???

I dont know what it is about pregnant being pregnant that makes strangers come up to me and ask when Im due, touch my stomach, and...the hardest question in the world, "Is this your first?"  I can handle the, "When are you due?" question...though I must admit the first few times it caught me off guard and I responded with, "When am I doing what?"  Now I can answer it and say March 2nd, but I stumble with my words and if people are paying attention I get some funny looks.....I mean Bristol was due May 31st and since I got so used to saying May 31st every time I was asked that question. plus March and May are the only two months that start with an M....well, you can see why I would stumble.  And the touch of the stomach....well, you'd better watch out cuz if you catch me off guard Ill smack you!!!  

But the hardest one of all is the question, "Is this your first?"  Now I realize that most people are just being polite or making small talk, but what is the socially acceptable answer???  If I just say, "No," then I get the follow up question, "How old are your other children?"  But if I were to say, "Yes," then Im ignoring my first child.  And that doesn't seem right.  Bristol is such a big part of who I am now, plus I love her more than I could even begin to explain....and to deny her very existence doesn't seem right.  Plus, I just cannot do it.  So I opt for the answer no one really wants to hear, "No, our daughter was stillborn at 26 weeks in February."  That pretty much shuts people up, but the ones who touch my heart are the ones who ask about her and then tell me they are praying for us.  I work in a retail store, and there are 2 customers who always ask about me when they are in.  The one lady was in the week before our 20 week ultrasound and purposefully came in the day after my appointment to see how it went.  She always tells me she is praying for us and that makes me feel better. 

Well, we go for our 28 week appointment next Thursday.  We are having an ultrasound done then too. Im hoping if everything looks good there that I will stop worrying but Im not kidding myself....Im gonna be worried about this little boy until the day I die.  


  1. Aww that is awesome to have that lady come in to see how your appointment went. Seriously awesome. :)

    And you answer however you feel comfortable. I know if it were me, I'd always tell them about your first.

    Good luck with your appointment next week!

  2. I had my rainbow baby in August, after a stillbirth and 3 miscarriages within just over two years. I got asked all the time if Emily, my rainbow, is my first and I hate that question and will never ask someone that. It made me so uncomfortable at first and I never knew what to say. Eventually I found some peace with the answer. If it was someone I probably wouldn't see again, I would say yes, then in my head say "the first to bring home, hopefully" or apologize to Jacob, my stillborn baby. One time someone asked and I said no. She asked if I already have a boy or girl so I said a boy and then she said "the million dollar family". I didn't tell her the boy died inside me and then I gave birth to him. My favourite was just to say no to the question and hope for no followup questions and sometimes that happened. I've been surprised that I'm asked that question less now that Emily is in my arms than when I was pregnant. I still get asked, but not nearly as often. IF it is a pregnant woman asking, I always say that she is my first. No sense in terrifying somebody. But it feels good when I can talk about Jacob. I'm hoping that all continues to go well with your pregnancy.