IF Nut???

Ok, so Im trying to pin point exactly when IF turned me into a hormonal lunatic....

I work at a retail store and about half of the work that I do is in the back office but the other half is on the sales floor as a cashier in which I am forced to deal with customers (most of whom are nice).  And I always find myself glaring at women's bellies if there is even a remote chance that the lady is pregnant.  A couple months back my husband and I were at Target and the girl who was in line 2 people ahead of us looked to be about 16 and was clearly about 7-8 months pregnant....I was glaring at the girl.  My husband (who frequently knows me better than I know myself) said, "What are you doing?"  To which I replied, "Nothing."  He looked at me with a smile on his face and said, "I know what you are doing and you should stop.  Its not nice to stare and it even less nice to stare and think what you are thinking."  When we got into the car I told him that I didn't think it was fair that someone so young (who was clearly still in high school) was pregnant and we (even with the doctors help) cannot get pregnant.  And as the conversation continued I couldn't help but hear my mom in the back of my head saying, "Well, Im sorry but life isn't fair..." as she did so many times when we were growing up.  Boy....was she right!!!

And where did the bitterness/anger/jealousy come from?!?!?!?  Every time I see a new FB post about this family member or that friend from high school being pregnant it sends me into a 20 minute crying fest that ultimately ends with me blocking the person.  I think of all of my friends on FB that have babies or are pregnant I have blocked all but 4 of them.  And that FB app that updates you on the weekly progress of "friends" pregnancies makes me sick!!!  I tried to hide all of those posts but I couldn't figure it out so I ended up just unfriending a few people....

And any time I hear someone complain about being pregnant or a problem of being a new parent I just want to smack them!!!  I wanna say, "Do you realize how lucky you are???  I would do anything to be pregnant."  DH once posted that he was suffering from insomnia and a "friend" responded with, "Just wait till you have a baby...that won't happen any more then."  ARE YOU KIDDING ME???  It took all of my will power not to rip that person a new one!!!

Ohh, and then there are baby showers.  I never knew that something that I once enjoyed could bring me so much pain.  I never knew that diaper cakes and breast pumps could actually make someone cry...

YUP....IF has definitely made me weird!!!