I come from a big family....I have 4 siblings. DH comes from a complicated family but he has 3 half siblings. Ive always dreamed of having 2 kids...but now I think three might be the magical number for us. So two weeks ago DH and I started ttc again. Or at least we stopped preventing......
When we lost Bristol I struggled wondering why God would create her only to know suffering and pain. And I found comfort knowing that she was created in His image and that we are all perfect in His eyes. God doesnt make mistakes. So I am taking that approach to ttc again. If He chooses it will happen. If not, thats ok too. Im terrified of loosing another baby.....but if I do I will hold on even tighter to our miracle lil one.
I was asked the other day if I would go back to our reproductive doctor if ttc doesnt work for us. In short, Im not sure. I am going to call them this week and schedule a time at the end of this cycle to go in for blood work and an ultrasound to make sure everything is all set to start ttc. Should we get a positive test I will also probably seek their assistance in monitoring my progestrone levels for the first 8 weeks (they were low last time and I needed medication to help) and also for the heparin for the first 12 weeks. But Im not sure if I will go back for treatment...it was so hard on my body and I dont know if I can do that again. Plus, it posses another problem....who would watch the little one while we were at the doctor??? Because I know from personal experience that its not easy to see babies at an infertility clinic....its really hard and I do not want to put other patients in that place.
Anyway....thats where Im standing now......
That is exciting! I certainly understand your hesitancy to share, too, because you know all too well the pressure/stress/pain of loss and struggling TTC. You are right. All our babies are made perfect in His eyes.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your kind words.
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